Daddy's Knees

I DON'T HAVE MS WHEN I DREAM.

But, actually, in one of my dreams the other week, I DID have MS. Had my chair with me, and everything. Is that an "acceptance" of my disease?

Maybe. For many years I had almost paraded my denial as a war banner, as if it were my signal (my reminder?) to fight.

But, suddenly, I don't feel as if Acceptance is the same thing as Surrender. It seems, instead, to acknowledge the fact that I have MS, like I acknowledge that my eyes are blue ... no ... wait ... I LIKE my blue eyes! How about: it's like I acknowledge my "knobby knees?" "Daddy's Knees!" I don't particularly like them, I can't really change them, but I don't cover them up with long pants when the weather is warm. They are there. They're a part of me.

MS is a part of me. And, just as I can't say that I AM nothing more than a pair of knobby knees, so I don't allow myself to be defined by the MS. It's an unwelcome part of my life, but I don't have to allow it to label me. I won't. It's there, like Daddy's knees.

You know what? Overall, I wouldn't trade off Daddy's Knees! It's a loving reminder that he was my Daddy ... and gave me these knees!

And even though I wouldn't mind getting better or even cured from the MS (like, THAT'S an understatement!!!), I wouldn't trade off my experiences with it. It has led to so many other blessings -- people I've met and those who have become close friends, experiencing the kindness of others, places I've gone where I never would have gone if not for the MS, slowing down by necessity to discover aspects of myself that I would have blown past before (like a new love for photography) ... things like that.

It's all about Perspective.

MYSELF

I am my own.
So let go the sun
and the hopes
of transient tomorrows,
let go the stars
and their promise of night magic.
I am my own
and will make
my tomorrows
my magic
my life
out of bits and pieces,
scraps and remnants
and it will be worthy
of the glories of the sky.

pld
The Prolific Writers Journal
Vol. 95, Issue 5