I Hate the "C-word!"

I was thinking about this because I've used the phrase, facetiously, so often. But when asking a couple of friends which C-words they think I hate (many of whom have known me for years), they came up with many different ones which could/would apply! Some words that came to MY mind were "commitment," "competition," and "conflict." Others volunteered additional words like "cynicism," "criticism," "change," "cowardice," "chaos," and "can't." (One even came up with "cat box" ... I think there's something Freudian behind that!) But I'll write about some of those C-words and see where they lead us.

Commitment
Do I hate Commitment? I think a better verb is that sometimes I'm uncomfortable with it.

I am a 100-percenter. When I commit to something, I like to pull out all the stops, jump with both feet into the deep end (sometimes a very dumb thing to do!), and practically obsess about it. I see where this affects, not only my Commitments to DO certain things, but also affects relational Commitments, as well.

Merriam-Webster (M-W) and I are developing quite a bond, so I thought I'd check to see what the dictionary defines as Commitment. The second part of the definition is as follows:
2 a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future;... b : something pledged c : the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled (a commitment to a cause)

Agreement. Pledge. Obligation. For me, that's a promise of something ... and I don't feel comfortable with promising when I do not have full control over my body (fatigue), and my mind (to an extent, i.e. memory loss, cognitive abilities, etc.). This being the case, I'm hesitant to make new Commitments.

Normally, this is not a stumbling block for me, but I have become more conservative (C-word!) with my heart, and more cautious (another C-word!) with situations where I am subject to outside, uncontrollable influences. If I make a Commitment, I want to follow through with it.

With the MonSter, I'm not always able to do that.